When it comes time to move whether to a new country, across the country, or across town, the loss of the familiar can be challenging. Uncertainty and a lack of understanding about circumstances can make relocating fearful, especially for children. The following are four strategies for navigating transitions that I discovered while growing up on the move and from my research on Adult Third Culture Kids.
Explain the Why and What of Moving
I was ten and my sister was eight years old when our family moved to Japan. As siblings do, we had our distinct personalities, so the move impacted us differently. Before the move, she cried at sleepovers until our mother came to take us home in the middle of the night. It upset me that we had to leave our overnight adventure, whereas my sister was relieved. Consequently, moving to Japan was more traumatic for her than for me. She now believes that had our parents given more of an explanation about why we moved, her adjustment would have been smoother. Explaining the transition so children can understand, helps them cope when the time comes to leave their familiar home.
Prepare for Cultural Differences
After first arriving in Japan we stayed in a hotel while my parents searched for a house. One day, as I was exploring, I went into a public restroom only to find something in the floor that looked like it might be a toilet. I was confused and frightened, afraid I would wet my pants because I didn’t know how to use what was strange to me. I ran as fast as I could back to our hotel room to use the western style toilet. Had I received an explanation about Japanese toilets beforehand, I wouldn’t have been distressed.
Bring Familiar ‘Friends’ Along
What children can take with them can influence how they cope with leaving the familiar. I remember the sad day we packed our belongings for long term storage. We were supposed to stay in Japan for one year (which turned into six), so everything was stored, including my sister’s friend, a big black stuffed seal. Saying goodbye to her seal that brought so much comfort was disheartening for an eight-year-old. Transitioning to life in Japan may have been easier had her friend, the seal, been there for reassurance.
Alaska was my family’s next move. By this time, I was 16 years old, sad to leave friends but excited to move to the snow and back to the USA. Again, we packed our belongings but this time most of our things came along including our pets, who made the transition to Alaska from Japan less traumatic. Once our kitties, Frisky and Marion, made it through quarantine and moved in with us, our Alaskan house felt like home.
Treat Moving as an Adventure
One of the commonalities in the results of my research on adults who grew up outside their parents’ home countries, was how their mothers made moving an adventure and educational. Visiting cultural and historical sites and learning the language and culture of the host country, all created enjoyable learning experiences, which helped develop a global worldview that later benefited their college studies and careers.
In summary, allowing family members to bring meaningful things with them can give a sense of familiarity in a foreign place. Additionally, explaining the why, what, and how of relocating and framing the move as an adventure and learning experience can ease the challenges of transitions.